I just made out with a guy for $7.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Randomize
