i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
