I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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