well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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