6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
