You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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