The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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