dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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