my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
