what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
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