They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
