we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
