I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I want to make a zoo with you.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
