You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i used baking grease as lip gloss
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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