Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Every concussion has its silver lining
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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