if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
