The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
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