Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I cannot find my penis.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
