I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
