I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
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