porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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