Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
