HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
