We're facebook friends in real life
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
