so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
