That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize
