Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
