I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
