How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
