Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
