i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
