Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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