I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I have post one night stand depression
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
