dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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