I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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