I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
