Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
North Korea, Best Korea!
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
