I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Randomize