remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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