I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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