Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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