Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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