He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
