your parents love me but you hate me
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
