Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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