I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
