bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
