Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
