saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
