Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
